Friday, June 03, 2005

Left or Right?

“Hi, my name is Sugar and I can’t tell my left from my right.”

“Hi, Sugar.”

It’s an affliction I’ve lived with all my life.

It’s something that disappoints my mother.

It’s a flaw that my dearest is often befuddled over.

I don’t like to consider it an affliction/disappointment/flaw. I like to think of it more as a lovable quirk.

It’s not like I don’t know that ← is left and → is right (unless you’re reading this upside down), it’s just that I can’t work it out off the top of my head. And perhaps it’s less that I don’t know Mr Left and Mr Right and more that I pretty much stink at directions.

Let’s explore:


I don’t do maps.

I can read a map, if I study hard enough or if my life depended on it. But if we’re driving and you ask me to look up where we’re going in the Melways… well, we’ll we may end up on the Hume Hwy, instead of the Western Ring Road (this may or may not have happened to me last week and I may or may not have rung my dearest in tears demanding that he find me a way home).

I’ve got ways of coping with the no mapping thing. If I drive somewhere once, I can do again. This is because I’m very observant and pick out interesting land marks and intersections. So if we’re ever to meet me at the pub, just tell me it’s on a corner, across the road from the Westpac on High St and I’ll be there, for God’s sake NEVER give me a Melways reference.

If a crisis arose and I actually had to read a map, the other problem I’d face is the distance thing. I’m not actually down with how far away from me something is. For instance, if I look out my window now, I’d say the stair case is probably 75 meters away.

*gets up from desk*

*walks discreetly, although with large strides to stair well*

*is surprised*

… ok it’s actually about 27 meters. And that’s not even a big distance. Imagine me in a big metal machine with wheels, driving 106 km/h (I like to go fast). I’ve got no hope. This is another reason I rely on my landmarks.


This “lovable quirk” is a little more obscure. I have the annoying/cheeky habit of making up where someone is pointing.

“Hey Sugar, look over there…”
*points north north east*

*sugar looks south south west*
“What? Where?”

I think it’s a stubborn thing. I think I know where the person really wants me to look and so I save them and me time by just looking where I think is best. You can see where the problem lies can’t you?

As an interesting side note my mother has always commented that I have a "lazy" pointer finger and that if I point something out, I actually hook it about 10 degrees, so perhaps I’m just overcompensating when another is the pointer.

If ever there is a lesson to be learnt here, it be this: just take me where I want to go, just don’t ask me how to get there.


Blogger la nadine said...

he he.

i am constantly ridiculed for my habit of pointing straight in front to indicate the whereabouts anything, anyone or anywhere, no matter where said thing may actually be.

i think its endearing.

werd to lovable, misdirectional quirks.

2:37 pm  
Blogger SarahJ said...

We wont talk about Meredith 2003 or trying to get to the Chinese Doctor on high st via the freeway. I trusted you too much and now I think I know...despite my flaws I will hold the map in our reationship and be firm oh so very firm with the directions...ok BELOVED can hold the map in your life and I will take the tram!

5:04 pm  
Blogger Husky Nutmeg said...

I too share your the right left thing, due I believe to severe 'Humphrey Bear Shoes with L and R on top' deprivation as a child.

Be as quirky as you wish Sugar. The world is a better place for it.

11:00 pm  
Blogger rogueamazing said...

Can I take you where you want to go sugar? Or should I call you spice?

12:45 am  
Blogger sugar and spice said...

most call me sugar, but if you feel comfortable about it you can spice it up.

11:05 am  
Blogger rogueamazing said...


5:34 pm  
Anonymous SF said...

It should be noted that in a lost group situation (disoriented in Paris perhaps)you become less passive and more aggressive. Always blame the map!

8:01 pm  
Blogger sugar and spice said...

sf, this is an excellent example. almost like you were there. i believe i have appologised throughout the years for that too. probably rightfully so

8:35 am  
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