Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Nancy Drew, We Love You

I work at a smallish, family owned company. In our Melbourne head office there are about 50 people. We’re a friendly bunch. There’s always someone to have a chat with. Everyone knows everyone. I’m not saying that everyone likes everyone all the time, but we all know our place.

I’m the youngest employee, but have never been made to feel uncomfortable about that and I’ve even established a Grandfatherly type figure in our eldest employee, affectionately known as Mr. Moon.

So have I set the scene? Pleasant, but not bunnies and marshmallows (… well we do have marshmallows, but that’s another story).

But there’s mystery in the air Blogfans! And I just love getting all Nancy Drew.

The Crime
Petty theft.

They started small, an economy sized tin of Nestle Blend 43, boxes of tissues, toilet paper… I know I’ve been loosing my pens at a ridiculous rate – perhaps I’m not “losing” them.

*raises eyebrow*

Then we move onto the heavier stuff. Someone’s getting a bit cocky. A computer mouse here and there, then a computer monitor. Not one, but two sets of portable, digital scales. And recently the mother load - a laptop! And still we’re none the wiser as to who the perp is. We are obviously dealing with a mastermind villan.

The Evidence
As yet, Chief, I have very little to report. All we know for sure is it’s an inside job. What makes me say this? Access, my friends, access.

Mice and screens were taken from a secure room. The scales were in my securely locked lab. The laptop was taken from the safe (might I interject at this point and say this rules me out… I don’t even know where the safe is). This can leave but a mere few.

Air of Suspicion
So, we have a criminal in out midst. I can’t help but walk about the office with a squint in my eye, watching for tell tale signs of blatant lies. A stutter in a response, a glance up to the left, fidgeting of hands, lack of eye contact, a crease in the forehead (hey, I’ve watched my share of murder/mysteries in my time).

I’m suspicious of everyone. I ask leading questions, “sooo, what time did you leave work last night?”, “say, Phil, do you have access to the safe?”

And I’m not the only one. People have started writing their names on their lunches, hiding post-it note pads, even – and it breaks my heart – chewing on the end of their pens and muttering “heh heh heh, yeah go on, take this one – I dare ya.” And slipping the pen back into their pen holders.

Oh! The humanity. My once joyous workplace turned into a bubbling cauldron of suspicion.

My Theory
Well, it’s obvious isn’t it? Who knows every nook and cranny in a workplace?

Not the office staff. They only ever know 3 places; workstation, coffee station/water cooler, toilet.

Not management. They only know one more place than the office staff – the Boardroom.

Not the Food Techies. We tend not to stray from the lab. People point and laugh at our coats. And quite frankly we feel sorry for all 'officies', because we have the fun.

It’s got to be the Butler… no I mean The Cleaners, it’s always the cleaners.

The Verdict

Stay tuned for further developments.


Blogger Lee Lee said...

Colonel Mustard, Dagger, Ballroom

12:38 pm  
Blogger superduster said...

A cleaner in the Safe? Come on S&S..you can do better than that. The cleaners are so obvious..that's what the thief wants you to think.
More Goran less Nancy!

2:55 pm  
Blogger Lee Lee said...

She is going all Angela Landsbury on us. Murder she wrote, indeed!

4:06 pm  
Blogger sugar and spice said...

I'd be Lauren Goran any day.

i love him. you know that superduster.

and if i get some catchy theme music like ange, you'll never wipe the smile from my dial

4:13 pm  
Blogger Lee Lee said...

Blog already why don’t you!

9:43 am  
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