Friday, January 28, 2005

Reasons I’m a nerdy nerd from Nerdsville



1. I have a Science Degree
I am a fully fledged Chemist. I know stuff about nomenclature. I have a mouse pad that has the Periodic table on it. I am employed as a Scientist. I have a business card with Hons. B. App. Sci (Food Science and Technology) after my name.

Conclusion: Nerd

2. I read Science-Fiction and Fantasy Novels.
No, not fantasy as in throbbing members and icy nipples (although now that I’ve written ‘throbbing member’, I might seek one out… ha ha ha throbbing member). I mean fantasy as in wizards, dragons, seers and children with “gifts”. If anyone wants to talk David Eddings or thinks the ultimate answer to life, the universe and everything is 42, I’m your gal.

Conclusion: Nerd

3. I have James Marsters’ signature
Many of us are privy to this nugget of nerdiness. I mean Buffy is a masterpiece of television writing, and it is well recognised. In fact I know for certs that there is another blogger reading this right now that’s also guity of this nerd-sin.

But yes, I have Spikes autograph and he writes “Dear Sugar, Bite Me, James Marsters”. Cute.

Conclusion: Mostly Nerdy

4. I have worn sandals with socks
Not only this, but I’ve found it to comfortable and climatically pleasant. I will do it again.

Conclusion: Way nerdy

5. I love quizzes
I LOVE them. I make people do them with me. I insist upon being Quizmaster. This does not limit itself to the Herald Scum (no fear, I only read it for Cary’s Quiz), but reaches out to television and radio. Elmo is now one of my hero’s for appearing on The Einstein Factor.

Has anyone heard of Tony Delroy? Best. Quiz. Ever. “The Challenge”. Midnight weeknights. ABC talkback radio. Yep, I know.

Conclusion: Nerd

6. I’ve made friends through the internet

Conclusion: Nerd

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Nancy Drew, We Love You

I work at a smallish, family owned company. In our Melbourne head office there are about 50 people. We’re a friendly bunch. There’s always someone to have a chat with. Everyone knows everyone. I’m not saying that everyone likes everyone all the time, but we all know our place.

I’m the youngest employee, but have never been made to feel uncomfortable about that and I’ve even established a Grandfatherly type figure in our eldest employee, affectionately known as Mr. Moon.

So have I set the scene? Pleasant, but not bunnies and marshmallows (… well we do have marshmallows, but that’s another story).

But there’s mystery in the air Blogfans! And I just love getting all Nancy Drew.


The Crime
Petty theft.

They started small, an economy sized tin of Nestle Blend 43, boxes of tissues, toilet paper… I know I’ve been loosing my pens at a ridiculous rate – perhaps I’m not “losing” them.

*raises eyebrow*

Then we move onto the heavier stuff. Someone’s getting a bit cocky. A computer mouse here and there, then a computer monitor. Not one, but two sets of portable, digital scales. And recently the mother load - a laptop! And still we’re none the wiser as to who the perp is. We are obviously dealing with a mastermind villan.


The Evidence
As yet, Chief, I have very little to report. All we know for sure is it’s an inside job. What makes me say this? Access, my friends, access.

Mice and screens were taken from a secure room. The scales were in my securely locked lab. The laptop was taken from the safe (might I interject at this point and say this rules me out… I don’t even know where the safe is). This can leave but a mere few.


Air of Suspicion
So, we have a criminal in out midst. I can’t help but walk about the office with a squint in my eye, watching for tell tale signs of blatant lies. A stutter in a response, a glance up to the left, fidgeting of hands, lack of eye contact, a crease in the forehead (hey, I’ve watched my share of murder/mysteries in my time).

I’m suspicious of everyone. I ask leading questions, “sooo, what time did you leave work last night?”, “say, Phil, do you have access to the safe?”

And I’m not the only one. People have started writing their names on their lunches, hiding post-it note pads, even – and it breaks my heart – chewing on the end of their pens and muttering “heh heh heh, yeah go on, take this one – I dare ya.” And slipping the pen back into their pen holders.

Oh! The humanity. My once joyous workplace turned into a bubbling cauldron of suspicion.


My Theory
Well, it’s obvious isn’t it? Who knows every nook and cranny in a workplace?

Not the office staff. They only ever know 3 places; workstation, coffee station/water cooler, toilet.

Not management. They only know one more place than the office staff – the Boardroom.

Not the Food Techies. We tend not to stray from the lab. People point and laugh at our coats. And quite frankly we feel sorry for all 'officies', because we have the fun.

It’s got to be the Butler… no I mean The Cleaners, it’s always the cleaners.


The Verdict
?

Stay tuned for further developments.



Monday, January 24, 2005

Dear World Wide Web, I love you because...

As all of my beloveds have raved about the rockin’ party that was Sheriff’s first I feel that possibly there is no more to tell.

But wait, surely that’s not true.

It all started with Fluffy. As I walked past her radness work pad I popped in. She wanted to know where it was I was going. “Err… to the party – like ya know.” At this point I was somewhat confused, because Fluffy is our Queen and she HAD to be at this gathering.

“But you’re not walking there?”
“Yeah, it’s just down the road.”
“err no. it’s in Bruswick.”
“Yeah, Brunswick St.”
“No, Sugar, Brunswick. Sydney Rd, Brunswick.”
“Ohhhh.”
“Wait with me and I’ll take you.”
“You rule Fluffy,” and she does. Me however = Loser from Loserville

Fluffy gave me beer and I watched her serve really frustrating chicks, who totally don’t know fashion and she was really nice to them. Oh, retail.

So after gossip, wine, internerding, some Hooley Dooley action and getting readiness, we totally ended up at the right pub. Fluffy you rule.

I was greeted by Fits and Sheriff in the most appropriate of ways – namely the thrusting of the hand down the breast. Lucky they’re cute. Then Fits gave me Pimms, for which I like her even more.

As we were exchanging things I gave Sheriff a badge that said POLICE, with a picture of a bald eagle on it (seemed fitting) and a set of handcuffs. He’s the Sheriff – he needs his equipment.

Buck Fudd, Tillops and Fluffy’s debonair man provided much laugh and drinking of the Pimms (I really enjoyed the drinking of the Pimms). Tillops even told me that he was surprised at how well I grasped the political situation at the moment. I decided to take this as a compliment (as I know it was intended to be), because he will one day lead us all. And maybe I can have some cushy, foodie type roll within the government if I keep him on side.

Then my Homie got there, he had a twinkle in his eye. And I knew we would be having a fun night.

It all seemed to happen in three’s:
- was groped three times
- was pashed three times
- shared a toilet cubicle with three different people
- shook my bootie until three
- got involved in a double love triangle. The first being myself, Nadine and Fits. Like Nadine and I are going to have a serious relationship, but she’s totally allowed to do Fits on the side… and I may be able to have a small role in their child’s life. Which I’m ok about, because I’m more serious about Lee Lee. And I know that she will be mine forever. Although there was a little love connection for Nads and Lee Lee (thus making up the second love triangle). Which makes it confusing. Also I get no Fits action and I don’t know how I feel about that. Not good that’s for sure.

So… there was a lot of love. But mainly I had much love for the man of the hour, because he done a good job for a virgin party thrower. Even if he is a bleeder.

Friday, January 21, 2005

To all my pals in the carb army - word

You asked for it carb fans so here it is… my attack on all things Atkins.

About the man
Dr Atkins was a MD who specialised in cardiology, graduating in 1955, from Cornell University Medical School. He was known for suggesting to his patients a low-carb, high-fat/high-protein diet. Steering away from sugar-rich processed foods.

In 1972 he devised a diet plan, which he called the Dr Atkins Diet Revolution (classy), in which patients were to eat next to no carbohydrates and to focus on fats and proteins. The diet was not widely embraced until Dr Atkins re-released his book (now entitled Dr Atkins New Diet Revolution – see what he’s done with the “new” there. Eh? Eh?) in the 1990’s.

As we are all aware this has been a disaster for carb lovers everywhere.


How the diet works
The diet has 4 phases.

NB: The diet is not a quick fix diet. The patient is meant to change eating patterns for life.

Phase 1: The Induction
This is the most rigorous part of the diet. You are required to eat no more than 20g of carbs per day for 2 weeks. In terms of what that is to eat its equivalent to 100g of banana or 175g of apple or 50g of white bread (if you want to check out what your lunch contained try this out).

Phase 2: Ongoing Weight Loss
This section of the diet is long and I would imagine as much fun as watching an Anti-Atkins kid eat a big baked potato, then some Californian rolls, then a few slices of vegemite on white bread… mmmmm.

The perk though is you are allowed to add 5g (yep, a whoopin’ 5g) to your daily intake of carbs per week.

You must do this for as long as it takes until you obtain ‘weight maintenance’ i.e. until you are no longer loosing weight, but aren’t gaining weight. This may take months.

Phase 3: Pre-Maintenance
You may now step up your intake to 10g per week (keep in mind this a little less than a slice of white bread). You do this until you start to put on weight.

Phase 4: Lifetime Maintenance
The sound of this frightens me a little. Lifetime? I find it hard to commit to plans on a weekend.

I digress.

So, you are now an Atkins and your reward is to still eat little to no carbs for life (perhaps our judicial system could use the Atkins diet for convicted criminals instead of lumping them in jail. I know I’d stop dreaming of getting rid of certain world leaders if I was threatened to life Atkins), on a positive note you are now allowed to choose from a wider variety of foods that contain carbs. These include fruits, vegetables and legumes. Wow, the variety. Cool.



So what can I eat?

How about a Hamburger without the bun


Or a protein shake made with powder and water (no milk allowed)
Mmm… Mark Ritter loves a good protein shake.

This is a normal, healthy person’s diet pyramid:




This is an Atkins diet pyramid:



i.e. no milk, fruits, grains, cereals, or high glycemic vegies (potatoes, peas, corn and carrots). Slab of meat anyone?

Do I need to say more? Oh, wait, how ‘bout it’s fucked.



How you loose weight

This bit make get a little nerdy and technical, but I’ll try and make it amusing… so stick with me.

OK.

Things to remember: Number 1 - Carbs
Carbs are complex sugars (lots of sugar molecules attached together or polysaccharides). Our body uses simple sugars (single sugars or monosaccharides), they're small and easy to move around in the blood stream. The nerves and brain get them first because they’re number 1.

Things to remember: Number 2 - Liver
You know how we all make jokes about damaging our liver with copious amounts of alcohol. Ha ha ha. Well, it’s actually quite serious. The liver is a hard worker. Doesn’t quite have the same romantic air to it as other offaly bits (“from the bottom of my liver” doesn’t quite have the same ring does it?), but dang, she works hard.

In our adventure the liver is integral.

The liver is responsible for releasing the right amount of glucose (one of those simple sugars) into the blood (well, sure, the pancreas plays a part too... as do various hormones, but you get my drift). When you eat carbs the liver is the one that breaks it down into simple sugars and releases into the blood if we are in need of glucose OR will build it back together into glucose powerhouses called glycogen and store it in the liver. If there’s enough glycogen in the liver, it will be then converted into fat and stored around the body as adipose tissue (fat and cellulite – a girl’s 2 favourite things).

Things to remember: Number 3 – When there’s no glucose
The body is a very resilient machine. We have to cope with ridiculous amounts of alcohol, drugs, loud music and doughnuts we pump into it. It has back up plans for everything.

So when there’s no glucose the body has a couple of cards to pull out.

1. Break down fats into fatty acids and glycerol. Muscle tissue can use the fatty acids for ‘food’ leaving the nerve and brain cells to use the glucose.

2. Gluconeogenesis (which means making ‘new’ glucose). This is where proteins are broken down into amino acids and then converted into glucose (plus a few bi-products which I will discuss later).

Carbs, proteins and fats are all energy sources, but keep in mind that the carbs rule and the brain is picky about using something else.

Eventually though on the Atkins diet you will run out of glucose. So what does that clever liver do? It makes ketone bodies. (This one’s for you honey).

Things to remember: Number 4 – Ketone Bodies (KB)
KB’s are made through lipolysis (lipo = lipids = fats; lysis = break down or death). A message that there is no glucose hits the liver and it starts the process the fats. This is fine for weight loss. Not so great for the brain and nerve cells.

An abundance of KB’s can result Ketosis. Ketones are acidic. As the KB’s are floating around in the blood stream the blood also becomes acidic. This can result in giving the breath a sickly, fruity odour like nail-varnish remover or pear-drops. And can lead to Ketoacidosis (high levels of ketones with acidity) which causes nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, confusion, and, if not rapidly treated, coma and death.

Think about it like this. If you want your car to perform to it’s very best you put optimax in it. You don’t siphon scungy fuel from the bomb that’s been parked on the side of the road for 6 months. Your brain and nerves deserve the good stuff. If they’ve got siphoned fuel kicking them into gear you’re going to get woozy, foggy and a little slow.


The weight loss

Yes there is weight loss. This would never have become popular otherwise. There are also studies that back up the fact that there is weight loss.

An article published in New England Journal of Medicine in May 2003 revealed that between 3-6 months the weight loss of the low-carb diet, compared to that of a low-fat diet was significantly different. However, media types tend to overlook the fact that at the end of the trail (12 months) there was no significant difference between the two groups. Plus 40% of the patients dropped out of the trail because the diets were too strict.

Another article published in Journal of Clinical Endocrinol Metabolism (April 2003) supports the fact that the initial weight loss was greater. However also states that patients regained a third of their initial weight loss.

Now if we flash back to Things to remember: Number 3 – When there’s no glucose. You’ll remember that when fats are broken down into KB’s there are bi-products that are in amino acids, but do not make up glucose. The one we will focus on is Nitrogen (N).

The body does not like N, just hangin around. In fact N is asked to leave the body ASAP. It’s filtered in the liver and kidney’s and combined with other bits to form urea. The body then gets rid of it in, you guessed it, urine.

The more N you have the more urea you have, the more you excrete, the more water you’re loosing (because you don’t just squirt out urea – that’d be gross). Have we caught on yet? YOU’RE LOOSING WATER. A lot of water. The female body is around 75% water. There’s a lot to loose. You loose water and you loose weight! Ha, magic. You also get dehydrated, headaches, nausea, blah, blah, blah.

Not only that but your liver and kidneys are working overtime with no extra pay (remember they’re feeding off the siphoned fuel too). They start to go on strike.

BTW... This is pure speculation at this point people, studies have not been carried out long enough for any conclusive evidence on the way an Atkins diet affects the liver and kidney’s. However there is a link of people that have been on the Atkins diet reporting liver and kidney problems. Whether you think this is coincidence it totally up to you (it’s not though you know).

Other possible health problems speculated to be connected with the Atkins diet are Kidney stones, heart problems and gastrointestinal problems (ulcers, diarrhoea and kidney infections).

Interestingly Dr. Robert Atkins, who followed the diet, had heart problems in his later life. There were also claims of Dr. Atkins being overweight at his time of death. His heart did not lead to his demise on this plane though. He slipped on a patch of ice and died from head trauma. His wife fervently denies he was overweight and that his heart problems were a result of a virus.

Look at this though and tell me he looks like a picture of health?


So ask yourself do you want to be one of those people that go out to restaurants and diliberates idiodically at the menu, forever whinging at the lack of low-carb options there are? Of course you don't you want to be able to eat whatever you like whenever you like.

I'll let you in on some food knowledge. There is a secret to weight loss. Yep. Your intake has to be less than your output. You need to eat a balanced diet and exercise. That's it. And it's doable. So fuck off with your slim fast diets and be sensible about your body and the way you treat it. Because after all even if you diet all your life you still may slip on some ice and die from head injuries AND be hungry - i'm just not willing to take that risk.

"You're my wife now Dave"

Hahahaha

Comical relief before my Dr Atkins smack down

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Dear Dairy



As soon as someone starts to waffle on about how their Naturopath told them that they shouldn’t eat anything with gluten in it and that dairy is the root of all evil, my blood begins to boil. I don’t know why, but for some reason Naturopaths have decided that dumping these two things from your daily intake will suddenly cure all – sure, why not.

I understand that people do have reactions to these things. And my heart goes out to the poor kittens, because it’d be no fun. There’s the bloating, and the gas, and the aching, and the nausea… the list goes on. But surely not everyone is allergic to both gluten and dairy?!

First I’d like to plead the case for dairy. Because things like this make me sick and depressed.

So we’re on the same page you should know that I don’t really like dairy foods. I’ve never been a milk drinker and if I have a massive milkshake I feel a little queasy. So, it’s not like I’ve got my sista’s back, yo, more like my ugly cousin needs a reference.

We are all a little lactose intolerant. Lactose is the sugary component of dairy. To break down lactose we need lactase, an enzyme. As infants we have a plentiful amount of lactase. As we grow the ability to produce lactase decreases. Presumably this is because we absolutely must have dairy as children to get enough calcium for growing bodies. And dairy is one of the best known sources of calcium. As we grow older we have less of a need for calcium because our bones are not growing as much (although we will always need it for other bio-reactions). We still, though, possess enough lactase to see us through.

My point though is very few Australians are completely intolerant of lactose. Other cultures are more intolerant. Asian and Aboriginal cultures are particularly intolerant. And damn it they have the right to be! Dairy has only very recently been introduced to their diet. They don’t have the biological systems set up to deal with it. However, they get their calcium (and other dairy attributes) from other sources. Their calcium source depends mainly on eating bones, either directly or through stocks.

Let’s discuss why you need dairy.

It contains calcium. We all know why that’s good, especially for children. We always need a top up though, osteoporosis is no fun.

Commercial milk contains about 4% fat. That means it’s 96% fat free. Most companies would kill to have a product that’s 96% fat free. So why the big deal with having skinny milk all the time?

Not only that, but when we cut out the fat we’re cutting out essential and beneficial fatty acids, these fatty acids are important for both the brain and the heart. They have actually been shown to lower cholesterol levels. So drink the good shit, otherwise you’re just cutting out the ace stuff. Plus full cream tastes better.

Like I said. I’m not mad about dairy, but I LOOOOOVE cheese. Cheese and I have been together for a long time, and it’s one of my most stable relationships. I have blogged about cheese before, but it’s great, so whatevs.

Cheese is fat and protein. There’s no getting around this. And if I met you and you said you eat low fat cheese, please forgive me for punching you in the temples. Cheese is like concentrated milk, therefore the goodness is also concentrated. Eat cheese.

Yogurt is great, although I get sick of yogurt fairly easily. The added bonus of this is that it has the happy bacteria in it. In your intestines there is a couple of kilo’s of bacteria (it’s ok, they’re supposed to be there). Some are good, some are evil. Yogurt will supply the good ones to keep the evil ones at bay. If you’re on anti-biotics it’s a good idea to eat some yogurt to get the good bacteria in there so the evil bacteria doesn’t get a leg up.

I hope our journey into the world of dairy has enlightened you and set your mind at ease. Now, if you ever order a soy latte in front of me you’ll understand why I won’t talk to you and flick ash in your coffee.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

My Duty

If I had a number 1 peev – what would it be?

Dieting.

Without a shadow of a doubt.

I feel that I need to restore the balance. Therefore over the next few posts I shall try and dispel a few dieting myths. As is my lab coat duty.

If you have any questions along the way, feel free to raise your hand. There’s no such thing as a silly question.

Friday, January 14, 2005

R.I.P mclusky

Don’t you just love a Welsh accent?

A country’s got to be cool when towns have names like Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

They came up with characters such as Rupert Bear, Danger Mouse and Super Ted.


They pass the time away bog snorkelling.


They invented the long bow, which ultimately resulted in the offensive 2 finger solute. The idea being you had to hold the arrow between your pointer and big finger, so the enemy saw the back of these two fingers. You’d be offended to if it soon meant you’d get an arrow in the eye.


All these things are cool. But let’s face it the best thing to come out of Wales is mclusky.


They are pasty, they aren’t always pretty.


But, man, can they play the rock!


Sick!


Sadly this was recently announced, which means that I’ll no longer see their wacky antics erupt on stage. My ears will never be exposed the thumping of Jon's bass line, or the tickle of Andy's guitar riffs or the madness of Jack's thumping kit.

Farwell mclusky, I’m glad we meet when we did.





And yes I did steal the formate for this post from a radio competition fellow rrr listeners. It’s because I’m lazy.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Lunch, a Kebab and an Impish Man

I work in Footscray (say it with me now: Foot-es-cray). It’s a “colourful” place. A “cultural melting pot” if you will. If by “cultural melting point” I mean junkies, teenaged mums, people with missing teeth or all of the above, then yes, a “cultural melting pot”.

Sometimes I like to wonder down into the centre of the volcano and pick up a Kebab from Footscray’s Best Kebab House (that’s the actual name – informative much?).

Today I thought I’d jot down a few things in my student diary (which has a picture of a fully sick 80’s kid with a red stack hat, gardening gloves, wraparound reflective glasses and riding a blue banana board – bodacious deck dude) as I was meandering towards aforementioned Kebab House.

Join me on my lunch break won't you and let's see if we can count the plebs.
Chicks that don’t look like they’re above the age of consent pushing prams: 3

A junkie in a ‘wife-beater’ (apt) having a domestic with a loud toothless woman: 1

A boy that looked like he was the love child of a rat and a bird: 1

A jar of ‘Hair Mayonaise’: 1 WTF?! This is especially close to my heart as I did my thesis on mayonnaise. It is now officially my favourite thing ever. if anyone wants to buy it for me it’s at an African woman beauty shop called Shiah.

A very jolly man whistling a lovely tittering tune: 6... oops no, there was just 1. Nearly had you there though, didn't I?

A little Asian man that reminded me of the creepy Dwarf in Detective Coopers dreams and said “Good afternoon” in an impish way: 1

All in all ‘twas your average trip to the Kebab shop in Footscray.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Enough of the bitching and moaning. I’m going to talk about pizza



I’ve had a long standing love affair with pizza that started, as it does for many of us, in my hormone driven teenaged years. It’s what all the kids on Degrassi High were eating – so it seemed good enough for me.

Growing up in a rural “city” (it was the Local Shire’s idea to call it a city because technically after 15 000 people wither in there it’s a city) we did not have an extravagant array of plush pizza options. Luckily for me my Mum is good at the cooking.

My friends thought I was a little kooky digging out a slice of cold pizza with home made sauce, prosciutto, goats cheese and basil on it. “But where’s the processed to shit meat? And the cheese! There’s only bits there and there… why isn’t it over all of the pizza?”

Fools.

To further prove to you that I am indeed a fan of the pizza. How’s this…

When I was 14 I went travelling in Europe with my parents (yes, I’m spoilt and no I didn’t appreciate it at the time… because I’m spoilt alright). We travelled the length of Italy. My challenge (which I chose to accept) was to eat pizza from top to bottom.

Thin bases morphed into thick spongy bases. The sauce turned from a focus ingredient, to a mere smear. More toppings were introduced to thicker bases. Different meats were used. No meats were used. Sometimes you’d only get the choice of ‘pizza’ (because Mama knew the best pizza and “there’sa noa pointa makin anya morea”), sometimes there would be pages and pages to decided from.

The best pizza I ever, ever ate came from a little restaurant in Rome. We’d stepped straight off the plane. I was tired. Things were strange. I felt like the worlds biggest loser because I was hanging with my family in my totally inappropriate Australian clothes.

We were fucking starving, but my Dad wanted something authentic, so we wondered aimlessly for an “authentic” Italian hole-in-the-wall restaurante We found one.

OMG. I’ve never food isn’t meant to taste this good.

It was so thin. The sauce was everything. It was a crimsony, garlicy, cheesey wonderland. There were sheer pieces of prosciutto liberally strewn over the top. And that was it.

So you know hot the most cliché phrase in food ever is “melt in your mouth”. Yeah well… this actually dissolved before it hit your mouth and then the taste would magically tickle you everywhere.

Fuck. Me. How good is pizza.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Big, black, mean ol' Question Mark

Picture this:

Endless ice chilled beers that you simply MUST use a Kalimna stubbie holder for.
Dog-eared book beside you ready to be picked up again.
Waves rolling around just over that thare sand dune.
A gentle sway of the boat that you don’t notice until you’ve been on land for half an hour and realise your brain’s still swaying.
The thought that the only thing you may have to do that day is walk to the toilets or get more fetta stuffed peppers for the “nibblies” plate.

Then at night you’d see ALL the stars. ALL of them.

Yeah, I know… I could almost go for a nap too.

This has been my life for the past week. It was serene. I was happy. My hair curled in the salty water, my skin cleared and bronzed (and freckled – but in that cute way) and I caught up on 6 months sleep.

I’ve been back 3 days and already I’m tired, oily, limp haired and back at work. Everything that I’d let go of during my escape is still here when I got back. Like I’d left them under my pillow and they seeped back into my brain while I was sleeping.

Bastards.

I mean they’re not Tsunami big or nuthin, but they’re still there picking away. Festering in my head.

The completely sucky bit is that I can’t even identify what ‘they’ are exactly. Unanswered questions, actions, motives? Seeds of doubt about this and that. Beginnings of plans that will probably never come to fruition.

Sometimes my life is just one big freakin’ question mark. Why can’t we just all stay on holiday’s and have to worry about is whether swimming counts for showering and if so then, cool because I haven’t showered in 3 days? We’d all be a lot calmer and fresher and our hair would look great.

Or maybe I should just quit my whining and be a real girl and put words where my big question marks are. Because I do know the words, it’s just… well… what if they rumble with the question mark and it falls on my head and I get concussion and wake up 6 years later and then my wardrobe is completely out of style? I don’t think I’m ready for that.

Don’t worry. This only makes sense to me. Well mainly me. I think I’m not as tough as I presume to be. Damn. I hate that.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Here's Cheers Mr and Mrs. Spice

You know that first moment when you realise that your parents are more than just your parents? They’re like actually people in their own right. They did stuff before you were born – you are not their entire reason for living (well… for some maybe, I’m the favourite).

I got a hold of this concept by the end of my teenaged years. This was good of me, after being a complete two-faced mole to them to the first part of my teenaged years.

I bring this up because I’ve just spent a delightful and relaxing week with my parents on a boat on the Gippsland Lakes. Whilst bitching about something trivial, a very Wise Man said to me “Sugar, you have a great family.”

Damn. Fuck it. I was enjoying my little rant there Wise Man.

He’s right of course. My family is ace. There’s nothing like a bit of holiday time in a vessel to drive that home.

During our time on the Lake my parents celebrated their 31st wedding anniversary. THIRTY FIRST! That’s forever. I can’t even sustain a two week relationship and they’re bumping around together for 31 years. Geez. Pressure.

The way in which they celebrated was typical. Over lunch Mum held up her glass and said “Well Mr. Spice, here’s cheers to another wedding anniversary.” A look of 'oh yeah'. Spread across Dad’s face and he said, “Yes dear, I did remember.” We asked how many years they'd ticked off together. They pondered with a concentrated look and decided it must be around the 31 year mark. We congratulated Mum (as is tradition) and that was it.

Being the megalomaniac that I am I begun to ponder what attributes have genetically flown my way. I’d like to think that I’m the calm, easy-going, glass-half-full person that I show people, but really I’m too much like my Dad for that. I’ve got the there’s-got-to-be-a-better-way-to-do-this gene from my Dad, as well as the I’ll-explode-if-you-don’t-do-what-i-tell-you gene. Conversly I’ve got the sensible-is-my-middle-name gene and the how-can-we-sort-this-out-rationally gene from my Mum. Which makes for a bit of a Tug of War in my own head.

At least I look like my Mum. Coz she’s hot. Right fans?





By the way. It’s nice to be back.