Wednesday, December 22, 2004

As Promised "What My Family Eats At Christmas" Post



My family Christmas dinner is a sight to behold. Let me take you on a journey of food, beer, wine, profanities and bon-bon’s.

My parents both come from large families (average of 5 siblings each). We from the coun-tree where having kids is what we does. As a result I have a lot of cousins (over 30 all up). This makes for interesting family get togethers.

We tend to hang with Dad’s side of the family most. C’mon face it – there’s always the side of the family that you go “ah-some, Smith side of the family. It’s gunna be messy,” and then there’s the “oh, the Jones side of the family… I’m pretty sure I have to leave early that day.” (btw, totally not my family names. Keepin’ with the anonymity)

Dad’s side of the family loves a drink. One friend of Dad’s met his sisters once and remarked “I don’t think I’ve even met men that can drink as well as your sisters.” Yep. Just keepin' wit tradition. With the drinking comes the swearing. If you’re easily offended I suggest you keep well clear of this bunch. That aside Dad’s family to me equals a whole world of good food. Need I say that this is a good thing in my book? Here’re the stats:

Uncle B
Foodiness: Former Butcher
Special Powers: Gets best. Meat. Ever. This includes turkey, lamb, chicken, and ham. He knows the peeps to buy it off and gets great deals.

Aunty B
Foodiness: Vegie farmer
Special Powers: You name the veg or salad item of your choice… she’s got it in the bag. She’s also very persuasive. Oh. And I’m her favourite.

Nan
Foodiness: Spent life in kitchen
Special Powers: This woman can make a sponge that hovers over the table it’s so light. Pav’s? You got it. Fruit cake? Yah-huh. Fairy cakes? Yessum. Unfortunately she sometimes breaks out a Flummery, which may have been cool in the seventies (along with crimplene), but now is very much not in vouge.

My Mum
Foodiness: Natural Abilities
Special Powers: This is an extraordinary woman. I’ve eaten with my Grandparents and I don’t know how she developed such a refined palate. She’s also super organised and a delight – she’s the one that keeps all happy and the room moving. I want to be her when I grow up.

My Dad
Foodiness: Seafood King
Special Powers: My dad is a savvy business man and is in the seafood biz. He da man for all your crustacean needs. Read this a weep.
Crayfish galore – big ones, bigger than big. Still snappin’ at ya when you first see ‘em big.
Oysters – plump, soft, salty, fresh as an ocean breeze.
Prawns - “Chuck another shrimp on the Barbie?” Oh I don’t think so. You wouldn’t be brave enough to call these big boys shrimps.

Oh sweet.

Everyone knows there place, what they need to do and when someone’s almost finished their drink – right there with another coldie.

And then there’s Me and I’ll just be walking around tasting things willy nilly, handing out tips, sticking my thermometer in all the dishes, and generally making sure I piss everyone off at some point with my Product Development prowess and finely tuned tastebuds. For a laugh maybe I’ll bring along a bag of MSG and sprinkle liberally (oh c’mon you know I’d never, that’s against my religion).


6 Comments:

Blogger Lee Lee said...

Wife, please make me Flummery next year?

3:26 pm  
Blogger sugar and spice said...

so. freakin. awful. blagh.

sometimes she makes them with bits of tinned fruit girating around.

4:48 pm  
Blogger la nadine said...

you just made me drool on my keyboard!

so hungry right now.

5:00 pm  
Blogger fluffy said...

you should make a set of trump cards. eating powers to be tabulated also, obviously as percentage of own bodyweight per sitting.

your nan's pav: hovering above the table! magic.

6:31 pm  
Blogger Kitten said...

*jaw gapes open, drools *

That sounds amazing.

Do you deliver.............?

12:06 pm  
Blogger Psst, it's me! said...

I was so happy when I read this post! It made me realize that there are other country bumpkin, heavy drinkin', cussin' an' swearin' families out there. They ARE the most fun though. Never a dull holiday.

11:30 pm  

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